| You can’t win ‘em all! |
[Feb. 4th, 2005|09:44 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  irritated | ] |
Today was cool. Lois and I went to Fullerton to sell books and buy books for school. We went out to lunch. I hadn’t been around her in so long and it was refreshing to laugh and waste time with her. I gave her a Klaus Nomi CD. She said that she likes him, which surprises me because Lois doesn’t generally like things that are so campy. I understand though because beyond the kitsch there’s a great voice and a very original performer.
I made a fool of myself today. My little brother always criticizes me: the way I dress, when I dance in public (or private). It seems that the little things in life that bring me joy never fail to embarrass him and he’s not shy to tell me so. Today was especially bad so when he criticized my appearance at a store I screamed. I just burst. Everyone in the store stopped and stared, which isn’t so bad, but my parents were there and I kinda embarrassed them with my behavior. I soooo thought I looked normal today and it seems that no matter how hard I try I just can’t be whatever ‘normal’ is. My mom reprimanded my brother for treating me so poorly but I apologized for shouting. The whole thing made me feel sad. My brother really hurt my feelings. |
|
|
| Whatcha mean lame sucka! |
[Jan. 22nd, 2005|11:06 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Blondie - Out in the Street | ] |
Jess and I went to the park today. It was so nice. We had an entire conversation while swingin’ on the swings. We had a review of how to do the electric slide. I was pretty darn good. We laughed so much; it was a genuinely innocent and good afternoon.
My dad had my car fixed today. It was so generous of him. I feel so bad ‘cause I don’t have a job and he fixed my car and he’s paying for the insurance. I feel like a bum livin’ off my parents. Well, I guess I’ve never really been allowed to live off them all my life so I should just be grateful and enjoy it now.
Workin' on a new short story. Very short. Very simple. Controlled and sad. 'bout a woman cleaning up after dinner. |
|
|
| Where is my mind? |
[Jan. 18th, 2005|12:01 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Klaus Nomi - After the Fall | ] |
I've spent the last week being sick everyday, staying at home bored, and missing johnny very much.
I'm glad I'm back in El Monte 'cause i get to see Jess and David more often. I wish I could see them more. I feel like my relationship with them is the strongest it's ever been.
I feel sad. Lonely even. Can't say more than that really.
Saw Tina Banh today. We decided that we will go clubbing as soon as she gets a day off. She's gonna invite David Ho and his boyfriend. Wow! sounds like fun fun fun in the sun sun sun! |
|
|
| Not as bad as it sounds. |
[Jan. 11th, 2005|03:05 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Marianne Faithfull - Mystery of Love | ] |
The day to day existence without my Johnny Boy is very very boring and lonely.
My house is so ruff n' tumble. The only quiet and peaceful time in which I get to read is in the early AM hours.
Miss my roommates terribly but to embarrassed to call them 'cause I owe them money.
No job yet. No money.
Mmmm,
I guess I'm okay for the time being.
Dorian |
|
|
| This is home... |
[Jan. 5th, 2005|10:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Elton John - Sweet Painted Lady | ] |
I’ve been back with my family for about a week now. So much fun! Foul mouths, fist fights and laughs. Everything’s back to normal.
We all went to dinner tonight. I asked my brother if he and his girlfriend still have sex now that they have a baby.
My sister laughed suggesting that I don’t talk that way in front of the ‘parental units.’
“What does the baby do when you guys do the hanky-panky?” I asked my brother.
“He likes to watch TV.”
My mum laughed and said, “I can top that: when you were new born me and my dad would do it with you on the bed.” We all roared with laughter. She continued, “You’d be bouncing up in down in the bed.”
My dad turned completely red. It was hilarious!
My mum kept complaining that I wasn’t eating enough so I got a stomach ache just to see a smile on her face.
I finished the first draft of a new story. It’s really good. I’m proud. It’s taken like two and half months. I’m gonna ask and older prof of mine to take a look at it for guidance. |
|
|
| And if it all works out nicely... |
[Nov. 1st, 2004|12:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Brian Eno - The True Wheel | ] |
Ah, Holloween. I watched five hours of the PBS Broadway documentary. Mmmmm... Then kids started coming and asking for candy and I gave it to them even though i hate kids. I was afraid that if I didn't give out candy i'd be egged or something.
After that Sas' friends Dave Covell and Jeff Weinstein came over and we watched Carnival of Souls and White Zombie. Then Jeff played us a bunch of dirty improvised songs and that was funny as hell. I put a wig on our Alf doll 'cause he needed a cosutme. We took a ride around fullerton and Brea in sas' art car honking at people. It was fun. We went to visit her boyfriend, Sierge, at the Maryott and talked about all the sordid affairs of hotel business and the possible vietnamese three-some that was in occurance in room 105. Totally fun. I looked great!
hope you had fun too.
Luv (l-u-v)
dorian
ps. have a new brian eno CD and it's great!!! |
|
|
| Fuck it all! |
[Oct. 17th, 2004|07:04 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dietrich - Makin' Whoopee | ] |
So what have I learned since I last wrote… Mmmm… I’ve learned that I’m sinking in college and will probably have to take my current English class again. I’m really not an academic by nature. I think that my history can prove that very well and I don’t know who I was to think that I could automatically change that after High School. I’ve NO idea what I wanna do with my life.
I also learned that The Best Little Whore House in Texas is a fantastic movie. I thought when I brought it home that I would discover a campy movie. It is but it’s more. It’s so witty and satirical and … I don’t use this phrase very often… I thought it was a delightful romp (much like Dr. Screwlittle).
I’ve learned that I need a job fast or I’m gonna get kicked out of my house… probably will any way since the city’s demanding we clean up our act.
Oh, my 16 year old brother’s baby’s on the way and he’s already disowned it proclaiming that he will not go see it in the hospital. This means that we will all have to be extra supportive for the mother and especially the baby who will grow up with an ASSHOLE as a father (but luckily my family has a lot of training in that department, although my dad’s great now and we all love and forgive him but that’s a whole other story).
Car’s wacko and don’t know that I have enough money to fix whatever is wrong with it.
‘nyways, pray for ol’ Dorian; he’s goin’ nuts.
PS. I’m drinking soda agin. God help us all!!! |
|
|
| I'm obsessed |
[Oct. 4th, 2004|08:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crazy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Brian Eno - Some of them are Old | ] |
Brian Eno's "Here Come the Warm Jets" has ass-shaking rythms and haunting ballads. It's so beautiful. My favs are "Driving me Backwards" and "Some of them are Old." |
|
|
| Let them eat cock! |
[Sep. 20th, 2004|11:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Faint - Phone Call | ] |
I had begun to start believing in things again. BIG MISTAKE. I feel very disconnected.
Love (L-U-V!)
Dorian
I want a diamond-encrusted bear that eats money. Then I'll be satisfied. |
|
|
| :) |
[Sep. 18th, 2004|03:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | tori amos - bells for her | ] |
Last night Johnny and I went to see the 5,6,7,8’s. They put on such a good fucking show. There were a lot of cute well dressed people there. Some guy jumped on stage kiss the bassist and jump back off and the security guards couldn’t catch him. He was a hero. The singer was offered some malt liquor from the audience and she downed half the fucking bottle. They kick so much ass!!!
I’m sick today. Bleh.
dorian |
|
|
| Drop it like it's hot baby!!! |
[Sep. 15th, 2004|12:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tori Amos - Raspberry Swirl | ] |
Last night Johnny called me at 11 and told me he got a room at the Marriott and that I was to come over. So I did. It was fun. We had wine and watched TV and jumped on the beds and we had a nice view so we opened the windows wide and we watched the night sky as we went to bed. I took a taxi to school this morning. It was lovely. |
|
|
| Fuck everything. I hate myself. |
[Sep. 12th, 2004|11:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | LaBelle - You Turn Me On. | ] |
I realize that i've been very depressed and i haven't allowed myself to be alone. but tonight i'm alone. i feel lonely and lost. i have no direction. i am very scared. |
|
|
| Rather than a scripture/ I’d prefer a script/ I’d prefer a Jesus/ That Hollywood depicts. |
[Sep. 5th, 2004|08:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | drained | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Tommy Gnosis - The Long Grift | ] |
Johnny and I spent three wonderful days together. We watched ‘Elizabeth’ and ‘M.’ We cooked a lot. We got really good at that real quick. We went to the GLBT alliance at CSUF. It was fun. It’s not my sort of thing, ya know. But the people were nice. Afterward we went out to dinner with some of them (a whole lotta them) and I talk all night with this cute boy who knew lots of good dirty jokes. Inspired to top another John Waters fan at the table I decided to throw a John Waters viewing party. I’m gonna make it a big to-do with prizes for the most outrageous costume and best-other-something-really-cool-that-I-haven’t-decided-yet.
Oh! Johnny and I are writing a skit for his church’s talent show. It’s a satirical piece in which a bourgeois Jesus meets George Doubleya.
Jess came over. She bought me a Luke Perry biography that was written for 13 year olds. We laughed our asses off reading it and now I know EVERYTHING about Luke Perry.
Oh, I went clubbing for the first time a few days ago. It was fun, but I got tired really fast. |
|
|
| take this from me... |
[Aug. 24th, 2004|01:15 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | thirsty | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | David Bowie - Always Crashing in the Same Car | ] |
First day back at school. Yuck. I’ve no book money so I’m only taking two classes: Early Amer. Lit. and Sewing. Fun stuff!
Jon called. We never miss a beat. Even if we don’t talk for months are conversations never mention how much we miss each other or anything; it’s all gossip and laughter. I wanna hop on the train/bus and visit him next month. I hope Johnny doesn’t freak out. I understand the worries he may have about me visiting my ‘ex’ but jon is still one of my all time best friends and nothing’s gonna happen.
I hate school. I don’t know what I wanna do now. My mom’s goin’ on and on about how I’d better become a professor. But I don’t really wanna anymore. I don’t know what I wanna do. I write all the time but I doubt I’m good enough to make a living off of that. Popular writing is all so bad. I’ve been trying to read contemporary gay fiction. What a load of crap that is. What ever happened to the revelation of a simple story?
Mad at my parents. They’re not being very supportive of my education but they want me to stay in school. Argh! Long story. I’m mad.. and broke.
Johnny and I got into a ridiculous fight. I said I was gonna look into doing some pornography because I’m so desperate for extra dough. He went on and on about how monogamy’s important to him (what’s with boys and monogamy, isn’t that why were gay after all)? But I assured him that he’s the only man for me and that my ranting about the subject was out of fear of financial catastrophe. I love him so much and I feel so often that I speak carelessly. He’s so frail and beautiful and I’m often so raw. I feel very fortunate to have some one so lovely in my life; I don’t wanna fuck this up. I’ve been goin to this gay church with him. It’s a denomination that originated it West Hollywood. The people there are so nice. I would hate it if they discovered that I wasn’t a Christian. I was invited to commitment ceremony. How romantic! I’ve never been to a wedding before. |
|
|
| I love you, i love you, i love you!!!... What's your name? |
[Aug. 17th, 2004|12:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | cheerful | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Sonic Youth - Drunken Butterfly | ] |
Got a new job. Yay! I'm on the phone all day taking orders for my boss. Ah, lovely. I never have to see another real life person again! Pay's good too. Regular hours. It's a perfect little gig.
Came home from work yesterday and Jonny was here with a rose and a poem. Jesus! He's so sweet.
Everything's coming up milhouse!
I'm writing so well these days. |
|
|
| Don't get up gentlemen i'm only passing through |
[Aug. 10th, 2004|09:28 pm] |
Well, I haven’t written in about a month. Doin’ well.
Highlights:
Jess and I goin’ to see Rufus at the Hollywood Bowl. The Philharmonic stifled him but his solo songs were amazing (as always).
My big bro now has a child. I’m an uncle. Wowie. My dorky older brother’s a big grown up man with a job and a child and a car and he just turned 21. Makes me feel like I should be getting my shit together soon. It’s just weird: growing up with him I never thought we’d grow up but here I am in my new place and we’re grown up. I don’t know what I want to do with that info yet.
Johnny and I are strong. That’s prob why I haven’t written. I loved being in the throws of his romantic embrace. Ah, my love. He’s so witty and beautiful. He buys me gifts like mad! I feel very fortunate to have found such a loving and intelligent boy who’s both strong and sensitive. Oh, his poetry’s divine! And what’s best is that I love him and he loves me.
I’m double majoring in English Lit and Fa-fa Fashion. Look out Zack Posen! |
|
|
| Antoher fab night |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|12:14 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Ultra Chic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Watchin' "Ruthless People" | ] |
Last night Johnny and I went to Hollywood to see the premiere of Scott’s movie, ‘I Want the Dandelion.’ I looked fabulous in punk rock drag. Johnny said he expected to be alienated by a boyfriend in drag but he seemed to really get a kick out of it. Dinner was great. The movie carried a quiet mania from beginning to end and Scott’s camera was sympathetic to the characters. The camera was sensuous at points.
Visited my family. What a wreck! Now that they have some money they’re falling to pieces. Poverty works people. When will we learn? |
|
|
| Nothing good cums easy. Live hard, fuck hard, work hard, play hard! |
[Jun. 28th, 2004|03:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Labelle - It Took a Long Time | ] |
Johnny and I are very happy. We spend so much fucking time together and we’re complete dorks. I like that we can talk about the merits of Burroughs, Woolf or Joyce Carol Oats with the same fervor as our favorite bands or TV shows. We decided not to see each other everyday this week ‘cause he needs to catch up on summer school work.
I’m very satisfied these days. I’m in the eye of a financial storm and everything is calm today. I cleaned the house and I have all day to create art. HMMMMM.
My parents are convinced that I don’t love them and that I’m trying to exclude them from my life. I just can’t see them, plain and simple. I don’t have a ride to El Monte, Jesus Christ give me a fucking break… okay I vented. I love them so much; they’re great parents!
Roommates are all going crazy. Sam’s on new drugs (prescribed this time) he’s weaning off them but they make him talk non stop! Johanna’s got a new dog and he’s not getting along with Sam’s dog at all. They fought yesterday, scary stuff! We had a party a few days ago and the house barely got back to normal today. It was funny; we played dirty movies and it really divided the room. |
|
|
| Dream a little dream |
[Jun. 15th, 2004|10:51 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | loved | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Marianne Faithfull - Mad About the Boy | ] |
So, Johnny. English major, aspiring professor of literature, 4.0 GPA. Reads Byron, Woolf and Wilde. Witty. Weird. Silly. Thoughtful. Easy going. And randy!
He spends so much time here. We just sit around being ridiculous in the flurries of a young romance. It's so lovely. He just left actually. He works at the library. He has good punk rock sensibilities with academic discipline. It’s a unique and very necessary balance. Plus he's really cute and dresses well.
Driving test on Friday. Watch out you guys; I’m coming to getcha!
Lady Cop Script has been revised for the last time. Now I need to start filming. Yay!!!! |
|
|
| Too Much Fun. |
[Jun. 9th, 2004|01:07 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | calm | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Shonen Knife - I Am a Cat | ] |
I’m totally broke. I knew that if I went out to the movies I wouldn’t have any grocery money. Luckily I get to eat at work and Sam’s been making soup lately but I don’t know how long this is gonna last.
I saw Coffee and Cigarettes yesterday and Saved today. Recently I had been watching some pretty crappy movies but these films were so much fun. I was so pleased. I can’t wait for the Saved DVD. Some weird looking punk rock boy waved to me and said high and I didn’t want to do anything about it. Todd thought I should have. So luckily I saw the boy in the parking lot before we left and I’ll call ‘im tomorrow.
I feel like i'm having the time of my life but i don't have my best friends to share it with, which sometimes makes me very very sad. Been so lonely lately. Lots of mixed emotions. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
vondorian's journal